I used to be the girl that waited around. I would wait to make dinner plans to see what my friends wanted to do. I would wait to buy tickets to events that I wanted to attend but eventually miss because I waited for someone else. I waited for an invitation. I waited on someone else. I waited and I missed out.
Sooner or later, somewhere this summer in between train rides to the city and late nights writing trying to make deadlines, I learned that when you wait for something, you can miss out on what you really want. I leaned that life slips through our fingers faster than we can ever imagine and if we wait for someone else to make a decision for us, we will totally be losing our own voice. We lose control of what we want and instead do what others want, unintentionally giving them a piece of ourselves and risking a little bit of who we are.
Usually, I'm the girl that puts everyone before herself. While it's sweet to be waiting at someone's beck and call, I've come around to realize that that's no longer the role I want to play. Being sweet and friendly is cute, but it's time to get what I want want. Now.
Many of us wait around for someone else because we're anxious or insecure. We like feeling gratified and wanted, so we make our decisions to please someone else to earn brownie points. I'm over that. It's time to look at yourself in the mirror, realize how effing awesome you are and make decisions for yourself. We deserve to feel wanted, but we also deserve to get what we want. Someone doesn't like it? Screw them.
Now don't get me wrong, I never want to be the girl that's hard and cruel. That's not what I'm trying to be. My goal for this year is to make myself a person who makes decisions for themselves without any hesitation because of someone else. If I want to get lost in the city, I will. If I want to wear a certain outfit, it will happen. If I want to make a mistake, I'll fall headfirst. Because that's what I want. Life is full of fleeting moments and rushing from one place to another. At the end of everyday, I want to curl up in bed exhausted from all of the things I was able to do that day.
infinite x's and o's,
kylee.
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