Lately, I've been thinking about apologies. Apologies are simply a couple words strewn together to tell somebody that you were wrong, and that the anger and sadness they feel is valid. It's a sign of respect and understanding. We reach for apologies to make up after a fight or when we know we're in the wrong. We use apologies to patch things up that we care about so we can carry on and get stronger. But, the funny thing about apologies is you don't always get one, even when you deserve it. So here are the five apologies you deserved, but never got.
"I'm sorry I didn't respect you."
I'm sorry I didn't respect you. I'm sorry I pushed boundaries to see how far I could get with you. I'm sorry I made you feel guilty and dirty and uncomfortable. I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings. I'm sorry I didn't treat you like a person with feelings and thoughts and emotions. I'm sorry I thought that I had an excuse, because I didn't.
"I'm sorry you saw me kiss her."
I'm sorry you saw me kiss her. I'm sorry you realized that the rumors were true. I'm sorry that you realized that love is fragile. I'm sorry for making you think that you could easily be replaced. I'm sorry I'm immature. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but I'm more sorry that you found out.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I was your friend and you needed me but I didn't come through for you. I'm sorry I couldn't be your shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry I couldn't listen when you needed to talk. You counted on me and I let you down because I was selfish and didn't consider you in the situation.
"I'm sorry I was mean to you."
I'm sorry that I was mean to you. I'm sorry I talked about you behind your back. I'm sorry I gave you dirty looks. I'm sorry I made you feel inferior. I'm sorry I made you feel unwanted and scared. I'm sorry I was always jealous. I'm sorry I went out of my way to make you upset. I'm sorry I enjoyed it.
I'm sorry I left and broke your heart. I'm sorry I wasn't ready when I knew you were. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust and walked out on you as soon as you let me in. I'm sorry I listened to you talk about your day and your favorite books and favorite songs while in the back of my mind I knew that I was going to walk out the door. I'm sorry for the awkwardness and the pent-up resentment. I'm sorry that you were too good, too much, and I couldn't be what you were for me, for you.
infinite x's and o's,